How to take a joke

You say fuck you while laughing. That’s it. Easy.

Die! Die! Die! – A.T.T.I.U.D.

Mission of Burma – 2wice

Things I’ve thought at festivals

I’ve been to the Big Day Out and St Jerome’s Laneway in the past week and it reminded be of some recurring thoughts I have at festivals or gigs.

1. “Get off my foot, you fat mole”
2. “Put your arm down, you fat mole”
3. “He’s not Timbaland, seriously, put your fucking hand down”
4. “Why are you here? You’re like 40. Raise your children”
5. “You can’t dirty dance to this, so don’t try. We all know you’re a skank without the dancing”
6. “I get it, you love this band, shut the hell up”
7. “I wonder if anyone will actually do a Springsteen cover”
8. “Fuck, this band started out good, and I said they were good at the time, but now they’re boring and I’m bored. Fuck, can’t yawn, will look like a big fake. Can’t yawn.”
9. “So what, I yawn, I’m human, what are you God? You can read into my mind and tell that I like this band or not. Fuck you. Man these guys are boring”
10. “MY BACK. GOD, MY BACK”
11. “Hot chick and douchebag #39″
12. “Who loves short shorts? I love short shorts”

Return of the King

Back by popular demand is this blog, or at least another entry for the adoring masses. Or mass. I don’t think I have enough people to read this to have more than one mass.

Wenk

Could I try any harder when I’m drunk:

“I am the edible mask of my father’s hollow anger. Warm inebriation, strangled by tomorrow’s grey light”.

It makes me think of highschool poetry and short stories. Fuck.

BRAKES

I’m your airbag, suffocating you

Prickly Pears

I’m doing this instead of doing study, and so this entry is allowed to be less wank more things that I can write easily and quickly and not care about. Day to day bullshit.

1.  Woke up an hour early – not because of daylight savings (John: “Gaylight savings”)
2. Cold, wet weather: allowed to wear jeans and not get hot.
3. Driven to uni by Al. Clarky’s car is very quiet.
4. Boring tute was boring. Girl who I sat next to maintained her amazing tan and was very bored with the proceedings. I wanted to see if her ankle bracelet left a tan line on her ankle, but thought better and was bored too.
5. Met John and Gale in the ref along with other chuckleheads. Wrestled with Anne-Marie to try and get past her – I think she thought I was play wrestling for the fun of it, and thus a bit aggressive. All became clear when I cleared things up. John looked like Dick Tracy in his overcoat.
6. Is Dick Tracy a comic character or a movie character? I only know his name
7. Jumped over puddles to get to Broadway
8. Thought about eating Malaysian food. Gale advised against and went into Nagano. I was hungry, Malaysian food smelt so good. I ate Japanese curry, John ate Katsu John. Gale ate Japanese mayo.
9. Gale insulted a girl on the way to Broadway hilariously and accidentally. I should have said that earlier.
10. John’s bag doesn’t stand up as easily as it used to. It’s off kilter.
11. Jumped over puddles on the way to Uni
12. Wasted life
13. Met Rae. She was very tired. I advised to sleep. She bought V.
14. I went home on the bus. Read Slaughter House 5. I’d mentioned a triangular knife in the book to Gale and John on our way to Broadway because we were talking about gashes. Gale has read Slaughter House 5 and didn’t say anything when I mentioned the title. In retrospect I look like a douche bag for mentioning the name of a famous book. It makes me look like I mentioned it so they would know I was reading it, which is like saying I’m only reading it to be seen reading it. I stepped in a puddle when I thought about this on the way to the bus, and concluded I’ve over analyzed the situation. Gale didn’t mention the book title, though.
15. Read Slaughter House 5 on the bus. Some guy asked me if my parents knew I was reading such a “vulgar book” and then pointed to the word “bitch” on page 57 and laughed. I said they’d given it to me, smiled and kept on reading, and he talked to his friend about this cartoon on the internet where the Kangaroos say “What the fuck, mate?”. His friend brought it up.
16. Dad was home, so got a lift from the bottom of Hale Road. I think I’d woken him up, and apologized for it when I got home, I didn’t hear his response – but there was one. I think he said he had been sleeping, but he said it like he didn’t mind being woken up that much. On the phone, when I asked him for the lift, he sounded quite annoyed.
17. I think this picture is amazing, and funny, and just makes things click. It’s not funny because it’s making fun of models – which I don’t think it’s – it’s funny because that bird is certain it’s God.
    
18. Sat down at the computer
19. Wasted life
20. Wrote blog

Guess what? More sleep thoughts

Lately I’ve been feeling that I’m smarter when I’m asleep  - completely disconnected from the world and able to think untethered. Then I wake up and everything zooms back out of focus and onto what’s going on day to day.
  Anyway, here’s another slightly disturbing idea I stopped myself falling asleep fully so I could write down because it seemed so strange:I’m reading a newspaper headline, and start reading first paragraph then look up to a friend and say, in a matter of fact voice, “I’d read more, but it’s blood”.
Even my half-dreams are pretentious now. 

I guess the well is a bit dry right now

Because I haven’t been dreaming about much weird crap before I fall asleep lately, but I caught myself a couple nights ago thinking about something truly strange. I was living through the memories of my grandfather in Russia, mid 20th century, and the whole thing was in black and white. I kept on seeing steel frames and a desolate rail road through the middle of Soviet nowhere. The thing is that neither of my grandfathers have ever been to Russia, and I don’t have a great-special link with either one. So that’s about it, I’m now pre-dreaming about crap that didn’t happen to my grandfathers. 
 

Man, my eyes are tired

People use the phrase to ‘cut your teeth’ on something as a way of saying that someone is gaining experience by doing something difficult, or with a steep learning curve and their teeth gradually blunt with time. Well I noticed how sharp my teeth are – now there’s some symbolism – and thought about cutting my tongue on my teeth, and how much that would suck. If I ran my tongue across my bottom teeth and one of them cut it open. Then I thought about cutting my teeth on my tongue, and that was just wankery.  
OH
Imagine pulling the skin of your eye off. Grabbing the sclera and ripping it off, while your eyeball sat in it’s socket. Apparently Shakespeare invented the word ‘eyeball’.
 
 (More like undressing you with his lies) 

Back with Stack

So I finally had some interesting thoughts again, I’m not sure what the end of January did to me, but it turned my head to cardboard.
1. Someone who reads their daily planner in bed each night, seeing what’s coming for him, and then eventually just the unwritten pages
2. A physiotherapy session involving popping, locking and dropping it. 

In other news, I got my hands on Helvetica and made sum arts with my head.